So as I was lurking and trolling online reading blogs this morning as I didnt get ready for work since we have a delayed opening...I began to ponder some things. First, let me preface this with the fact that I have big dreams for myself, which I often do not share with anyone and rarely admit to myself. I dream of one day having my own successful *insert money making scheme here* and being able to make my own hours and not have to report to "the man". I dream of a big family living in a 2 car garage home on a corner lot with mature trees and excellent municipal services. I dream of being able to hang a rainbow flag outside of our house and not worry that it will get egged. I dream of growing old with CS, taking crazy vacations, surprising our kids with a trip to disney world, becoming some sort of "artist" and getting pregnant on try no. 1 (which is today p.s...like how I slipped that in there)*.
Some of my dreams are tangible, real, and possible...others are flights of fancy. But either way I feel like I have gotten on a delayed start with all of them. Here I am, about to be 28**, living on a college campus in a dorm because I have a job that requires it, no kids, hating my job and having a burning desire to figure out if this is what I want***. I ponder, mull, stew, ruminate, noodle around, and think through what my next steps should be.
Should I go to get my PhD...and in what?
Do I secretly want to be an artist and make fun things on the intrawebz?
Should I go to law school?
Should I go to seminary?
Do I want to live here forever or can I convince CS to move back to my great white north?
Lots to think about, pray about, meditate on, etc etc etc.
And now for your entertainment, my sister in law posted this on fb yesterday and I had to share. She loved it because at one point she was very serious about becoming a sign language interpreter.
*I know that a BFP is unlikely on try No. 1...but a girl can dream. I'm okay with not getting pregnant this cycle, but it would be great. I, unlike CS, have been blessed with the gift of patience.
**28 is young, I know...but most of the 28 yr olds I know seem to be adrift...are really really immature...making me feel older than I really am because I sorta have it together.
***Getting pregnant is what I want...being with CS is what I want...but all the other stuff is up for grabs.
2 comments:
I'm starting to think that this 27/28 time is just a crap time of "what the hell do I want out of my life" since this is oh, the 3rd blog post along these lines that I've read in the last 2 days. My wife and I are totally going through the same thing--not really content with our current jobs, wanting to move, debating going back to school (and for what degree), wanting a baby, etc. Basically we feel pretty much done with city life and ready for that picket fence in the suburbs (something I never would have thought I'd want if you'd asked me a few years ago) with our 2.3 kids. But the reality is that moving is hard, finding new jobs (two jobs! that we like! in the same place! that pay enough money!) is hard, and we just don't have enough damn money for that picket fence. And on top of all of those, figuring out what we want out of life and how to make it happen is really effin' hard. And all of this seems to be landing at the same time and I'm not sure how to process it or where to start. But I pretty much figure that everyone else must go through this too, and somehow it all works out, right? I mean really, we're all just making this shit up as we go along; I've been pretty successful at making shit up in the past so hopefully it'll work out alright in the end.
And good luck on try #1!!!
@Becky
I have to admit that I was blog lurking in one cat per person and saw her post this morning...and then I had a delayed start at work...and then all could think about was my delayed start.
I too am quite good and making shit up as I go along...I call it my imposter syndrome. I think I am the only one making it up while everyone else has it all together!
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